30 Dec 2014 REFLECTIONS
As another year rolls by and we set up for 2015 I Feel an urge to sit and contemplate on the year that has passed. I’m very lucky as I have been given some much needed space and stillness to recover from a surgery and in this time I have been able to ponder, push pause, sit, feel and reflect back on this past year. So may things rush to mind when I sit in this space and here are a few big insights .
I’m not totally sure where to start but I gather a good starting point is Jan 1 2014. (Don’t worry you are not going to get a daily or monthly break down), but literally this was a huge break point and awesome start to 2015.
FALLING IN LOVE
I was sitting at home (hangover free for probably one of the first times ever on this day) with a friend of mine, both of us single, and we were on tinder having some fun, scrolling, swiping and messing about. Then his guy pops up and I was instantly drawn to him, a gut feeling to swipe right. My ego said “nah don’t he looks a bit older”, but my heart was “fuck it swipe him he looks nice”. So I did swipe right and got the “it’s a match.” instantly. So from there we started chatting, went for a date that Sunday and boo-ya he’s my frigging soul mate, lover, best friend and most amazing person in my life. Seriously that started off the year shall I say pretty, pretty, ok whose kidding amazingly well. Falling in love this year, opening up to someone, moving in and sharing myself whole heartedly has taught me so much more about myself and has made 2014 a pretty memorable year.
DOING WHAT I LOVE
This year I took the leap of faith and delved right into full time yoga teaching. This was a huge step for me as fear had kept me in the oh no you’re not good enough, you wont have enough work, full time teachings not for you broken record story for some time. So to step into trusting my intuition that I would have enough was confronting. I had to keep reeling myself back into self-worth and belief that I can do this. That I am a good enough teacher and my offerings need to be shared. As a result I have to say I did amazingly well. The work showed up, the students LOVED my classes and I loved, loved every moment of being a full time teacher. I am so pumped to expand more on this in 2015.
Hmmmm this one has been an up and down merry go round for pretty much my whole life. You see I come from an understating and years of learning that you need to have money and cash flow to survive from week to week. I have been and I am relearning that money is just an exchange of energy. The more you think in this week to week and lack off way, the more this manifests into your life. So I am working constantly on an abundant mindset and when I go to pay for a bill or coffee etc, I pay with appreciation for what I am paying for rather than thinking oh no that leaves me less $ in the bank. So in 2105 I will work more on this topic and hope to share with you all some major shifts I have around finances.
I love to get caught up in from time to time in some silly gossip sessions. What I have learnt in the last 12 moths through numerous lessons is that buying into this shit only makes me smaller. Placing blame on others does not help me to grow in fact it only takes me further away from my true self. Toxicity breeds toxicity and the more we are/I caught up in gossip, comparison, jealousy, I’m not good enough, the more I am stunting my growth. So as we roll into 2015 I choose to stay out of politics, choose to let go of toxic friendships that don’t serve me and I choose to show up for myself and for my growth on this beautiful ever-evolving journey.
I’ve had a big year health wise. I found out around mid way through this year I had a fibroid growth in my uterus. I have since been waiting for surgery and had the rest of the year to sit with this news. During this time I did all I could do to be as healthy and fit to go into surgery. This was beautiful but in hindsight I probably wasn’t really listening to and nourishing my body as well as I could have been. I mean I was pushing, stressing, rushing and trying to fit way, way, way too much into my days. Now sitting here in recovery mode, I realize that I need to be strong, but soft. In yoga terms find the balance of sthira – sukham. I need to be kind and nourishing to this amazing vessel of mine and not always be on the pushing side of exercising and movement. I have learnt how nice it is to walk not run, sit in mediation and be with myself not run away using being busy as an excuse. I am so excited for 2015 with this new mentality and cant wait to delve more in the rest and digest not flight or fight mode.
Wow a huge year for me in regards to friendships. Some have diminished all together, some have blossomed and one or two new special ones have come into my life. I realize with friends now that I a not willing to waste time to fit in or be seen. I only want to have friends (and be a friend) who are frigging real, supportive, make me laugh, encourage me, and inspire me from who and what they are.
So sitting here in spaciousness and surrendering to rest on my healing journey I reflect on the fact that 2014 has been HUGE for me. So many magical moments to be so grateful for, falling in love, finally doing what I love full time, moving in with my soul mate, creating authentic friendships, having a major surgery, and so many other awesome little moments along the ride. Thanks 2014 you have been expansive, challenging and so fulfilling. 2015 I’m excited.